However here is where my concern over the weekend came in. I found out that my bf's family was going to Brampton. Rachael's oldest daughter has been visiting from New Zealand and she will be leaving soon. I haven't been there since my first major anxiety attack. While I was working I didn't think much about it. But when I came home I did and I was scared. I know how my mind works and just by being there I can make myself go through it all again because of the anxiety.
so the day of:
Sunday morning before church, feeling already a bit anxious, take a half of my med
Come home with a severe headache I had a bad headache that day too
I am wearing the same necklace I wore that day what if the necklace made me sick? (stupid right but that is what my mind does and in the back of it I know its dumb but something else takes over)
Anxiety increases so I go take a nap. 1:30 we are almost ready to leave, 5 to 2 on my way out to the car, I take another half.
The car ride: my stomach has been hurting for days and I notice some pains, so I take my IBS pill. Im a little drowsy now from the mix. So I start listening to music and staring out the window at the beautiful weather ...zoning out this is good.
Suddenly we are there, the clock says it was an hour but it sure didn't seem like it. That's a good sign.
I realize I really have to go to the bathroom so the first thing I do is go when I get in so right away everyone asks if I am okay. It's nice to know they are concerned and prepared.
I walk out of the bathroom and the kids are so happy to see me jumping for hugs. I love them very much it made me feel very good to see them, we spent some time watching a movie. Then we had dinner. It was after dinner last time that I got sick...try not to think about it.
I ate dinner. It was delicious. I also didn't eat too much. I had some gas and went to the bathroom. Tried not to think about it but felt a slight tingling in my hands. I know what that means. Take another half. It's hot in here, take off sweater, drink some water. Breathe.
I go back out to see the kids and try to put on a movie they both wanna watch. One suggests we go up to her room and play with some cars. So we do. It's comfy up here, kinda like Aunt Maria's place cue tingling feeling I've had an attack at her place before.... BARELY and only once. Calm down!
I start playing with the kids and we have a good time, Rachaels second oldest daughter then comes upstairs and asks if I want to go for a walk around the nieghbourhood (my bf's idea). Fresh air? hell yes! So we go for a half hour walk, I am doing just great. We come home and the kids have made my bf and I a place setting at their little homemade restaurant. But Rachael wants to take us to see the new kids place she is building for her new business. I like keeping busy and I really want to see this place. She has done a great job so far and I can't wait to see when its done. I hope it works well for her. We come back and the kids are almost ready to go to bed but they wouldn't go until I came home. So their oldest sister was reading to them. I came in and curled up on the bottom of the bed while she read I'm tired but I am relaxed, this is cute. I tuck the kids in and say goodnight when I come downstairs, the second oldest is hungry, and my bf loves trying all the Indian food at this place near by so we head out. Last time I ate this stuff I threw up after. So I decided I would wait until we come home in Hamilton to eat it. Just in case it was the food. That way I could isolate it as the trigger and wouldn't worry the next time I go down. I got through the whole night with no problem. I even ate the Indian deserts and they were delish and I feel just fine.
This is a BIG deal! I overcame my biggest fear with my anxiety! Now I have to keep doing this and easing off the meds. I know I can, one step at a time.
I am stronger than I think...
**Dee**
oooo also! My family has decided we are going camping for the May 24 weekend. Little bit nervous I love camping I am just picky about bathrooms cuz of the whole IBS thing lol.
AND my bf and I are riding on a BigBike with the store to help support the Heart and Stroke Foundation on June 3rd. I am excited. I will keep you up to date on those. :D
Wish me luck ♥
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