Happy Sad, Sad or Happy.

Well, 

It's been a long time. I hadn't quite been in the mood for writing. I'm still not sure I am...

At the end of November the man's mom suddenly got really sick. We spent three days waiting in the ICU for her to get better. But eventually Dec 1st she had to go. It literally felt like I went into a haze right before it happened. and everything went slow mo and the last few seconds will replay forever in my mind. I miss her a lot.

There was a small happy note in all of this. When we knew we were going to have to say our goodbyes, I grabbed a paper clip and rounded it. I then handed it to the man and he knew what to do. There next to her hospital bed he proposed with a paperclip which I wore on my finger  until we left (shortly after it broke). She always talked about seeing us get married and was looking forward to that day. But she got too sick and couldn't fight anymore. She has been fighting for 13 years. She was tired. This was the least we could do for her with the time we had. She was only sedated so the doctors believe she heard us. She had been fully conscious earlier and was responding and we knew she would have been happy if she could have spoken to us. At the funeral one of the workers pulled me aside and told me that Mumma had been waiting for us to do that and she'd be undeniably happy.

So we have started planning. It's going to be July 2012. We have the church booked and we are looking into a few of our favourite reception locations now. Today we will go to a wedding show and meet with someone at our top location as well.

So I guess there is some happiness. The holidays were sad though. and they will be for a while.

The Family misses you Mumma

I guess since the blog is about managing my anxiety.....It's been under pretty good control for the most part. I spent my time in the hospital focusing on her, and the man, and trying to give the family hope. Then, when it was over I was focused on helping get the funeral details sorted out so as to help keep the family from anymore stress. Then I was focused on giving everyone as wonderful a Christmas as possible considering what we had all been through. I never really had time to get anxious. I guess that's a good sign.

I hope 2011 goes well for everyone. Best wishes to all

***Dee***